give

 

We are takers. We want a gold star for every acheivement. We will only continue to move forward if we get a pat on the back.

There is no GIVE and take, only take and take more.

Helping others will show you a gratification like no gold star ever could.

Not everyday will be beautiful, not every moment will be cause for celebration. There will be darkness. Allow the light of someone else’s journey to warm you.

one day doesn’t have to be that far away.

Goals are funny little things. We are manipulative little people.

We will change our goals to accomodate our work ethic of the day, or lack thereof.

If you have things you’re working for the first and most important thing you can do is tell people. Make it known that you are working for, so that those around you can either support you, or you can limit your interaction with them so it doesn’t hinder your progress.

I have goals. I have them written down, and now my dear readers, I am going to share them with you;

1. Goal for professional/networking growth; I will grow my readership and facebook following in 2012 to 400 (any help would be greatly appreciate:))

2. Goal for physical growth; I will do one more photo shoot this year to keep me working to look at my peak

3. Goal for Stability;  Within three years I will move into a home that I own.

4. Goal for $: I will maintain a manageable client base of 5-10, and grow my earnings in my 9-5 within the next 12 months by 12%

5. Goal for creativity; I will write a minimum of 3 posts per month

6.  Goal for further enlightenment; I will be sports nutrition certified by year’s end

7. My goal for FUN: I will go on a trip within the next 12 months (NYC I believe)

8. An icing on the cake goal…I want a camaro. Seriously…it will be mine. One day it will be mine. I’m reluctant to set a timeframe, because I also want a bike.

9. And my girly goal; someone to share it all with. Someone that supports me, encourages me, kicks my ass and laughs with me.

There is no reason these things won’t happen. And what’s grown my chances of actually making these happen is that I’ve shared them with all of you. CRAP; now I actually have to do it!

There are great things happening, and the potential for even more greatness in your life is right in front of you. It takes a series of small steps. The first step the most difficult, but necessary to get there.

Share your goals. Be accountable.

float on

 

Close your eyes. Imagine you’re standing on the edge of a river. Picture the weather, the temperature, the smells and sounds. Get a solid sense of yourself. All of what makes you who you are. Your clothing, your stance, your attitude, your perception of self. Imagine your wants and needs as your focal point. They seem slightly out of reach, but why?

Now see each obstacle, every struggle and fight that it will take to obtain those wants and needs. See them clearly. Feel the frustration of having things just barely out of reach.

What are your obstacles? Money? Time? Lack of knowledge or motivation? See your obstacles clearly, as tangible items. Make shapes out of abstract concepts.

Now take each obstacle. Place it on a piece of driftwood, and watch it float away. As it floats away, let go. It’s no longer holding you back, you’ve said goodbye to it. Each barrier that stands in your way, self percieved or othewise, will take its turn floating down this river.

Once you’ve said goodbye to your final obstacle. Turn around. Stand face to face with the you that you are working to become, and everything that makes that person complete. Who are they? What are they wearing? What is their attitude, their expression, their stance. See them in their entirety. See their confidence.

It’s you. It’s always been in you.

I do not regret my past, nor do I wish to shut the door on it.

My path has been rocky. My days have been filled with struggle. Self inflicted struggle for the most part, but struggle nonetheless. To walk forward with my head high gets difficult when the outcomes of those struggles rears its ugly head.

I have dealt with my past; the bad habits, the unhealthy ways. They are left far behind me. However, and this is a BIG however, I keep those memories close. I keep them close, because I don’t want to return. It’s close enough in fact that I can shut my eyes and see, smell and taste where I was four years ago. The clothes I wore, the loud and crowded bars, the music, the fuzzy head early on a Saturday morning (and Sunday, Monday, Tuesday…you get the idea).

The thing about having a past like mine is that there have been bystanders. The results of my old behaviour has played a role in the lives of these bystanders. That role results in their doubt that I will follow through. At one point I was the master of promises but the master of slack. People watched me live this way for many years. It’s unfair of me to expect them to see my path as positive. All I can do is continue to grow. Continue to show those around me that the person I am today is someone who is here to stay. My growth and my progress catapult me forward. They throw me into a realm of possibility.

I used to feel that I had all of this unrealized potential that those around me just didn’t see. When in fact, I couldn’t grasp it myself. Was I worth all of this work and effort? Was I worth recognition? Did I deserve to have it all?

I abso-freaking-lutely do. You do as well. The only thing standing in my way is me. If you’re standing in my way, you won’t be there for long. There is no time for drama, no time for petty games, no time for coddling. There is time to dig in and get it done. There is time to invest today in a life that I’ve only imagined possible. The only one that can make that happen is the one writing to you.

My past doesn’t dictate who I am today. I’ve learned from it, and I’m thankful for it.

you won’t like me when i’m angry

 

The Hulk is my new favourite character. At one point in The Avengers he is asked how me manages his anger, how he doesn’t transform into his other self. The key was, he told us, that he was always angry, he just learned how to control his reactions.

He is in all of us. There is pent up rage, frustration. Feelings of inadquacey. Lack of patience. Others not meeting our expectations. Failures. Disappointments.

Life can get you down, regularly if you let it. Watching that massive green comic book character deal with it like a two year old having a tantrum brought a wicked little grin to my face. Wouldn’t it be nice, just for a few moments even, to react and take out your anger on the most deserving first person that crossed your path.

Everyone should have an outlet for that negativity. An outlet that doesn’t hurt or harm. An outlet that doesn’t put another down. There should be someplace in your life to take the agression and dispose of it. Rid yourself of it, and have it never to return. Life’s too short to remain angry, to hold onto it. It ends up eating you alive, the source of your anger carries on their merry way.

Getting sweaty. Focusing on progression. Allowing myself to feel vulnerable in pushing myself. I take that anger and let it fall down with each bead of sweat.

I glare at the weights between sets like one of us is going down.

It won’t be me.

 

til it’s gone

wake up, hot shower, hot coffee. warm car on a rainy day. tunes loud. body able to work, able to sweat. full belly. love all around. smiles and laughter. opportunity and passion.

one day all of this could be gone.

cat fight.

 

It amazes me what we as women are capable of. We can build, grow, create, dream, love.

There is nothing however that amazes me more than our ability to take away from another’s success. In our journey to reach our own goals, another’s acheivements can often be a reminder of how much further we have to go. There is so much more work to do, so much time before you can celebrate your victory.

There is nothing more cutting than wanting to share the blessings, the accomplishments, the struggle and overcoming of barriers only to be met with a backhanded compliment (“well THAT must be nice…”) or worse, to hear from others what was later discussed in your absence.

When we do this, we are contributing nothing. Not one ounce of the energy we just poured into cutting someone else down, even in their absence has put anything good into this universe. In fact, it’s only made your own a little darker.

My journey will never mirror another’s. My steps are my own, my path is windy and muddy and covered in pointy f**cking rocks. Many days my feet hurt, I’m sweaty and tired, yet I trudge along. I lay down content with who I am and what I’ve become, and excited for what lies ahead. If y’all want to chat about that, I’m happy to have provided some entertainment. But make your own path, you’ll have far more to contribute to the world by experiencing your own rather than mulling, analyzing and chatting about mine.

 

pass the gravy

I am sore today. My shoulders, my back, my abs, my legs. I awake with a smile. Soreness means progress.

This soreness only partially came from a gym workout. The rest, what I like to call the gravy.

Yesterday was beautiful. I got up early and worked out. Loud music, time alone, focus, sweat. My absolute favourite way to start my day.

Then, we went to the driving range. It’s one of my favourite things to do for fun. I get to swing a piece of metal and hit something hard. Simple really. What I love about the driving range is the comparison each time, each swing, each hit. How far? Am I slicing? Am I breathing through the swing? Am I relaxed?

For me, I put the time in at a gym, yes. It doesn’t stop there. I keep moving. There is a lifestyle that accompanies my workouts. It’s embedded in all that I do. How I eat, my sleep habits, and all of my other activities.

Two weekends ago I was sore from running trails with my kids. Today, I’m sore from golf. I love that my scope of what it means to live life has broadened. That I participate in what’s happening around me. I love that my input has moved past talking about what other people are doing, and I now share my own experiences.

Live your life. Experience new things. Challenge yourself to be the person you thought you could, because you can. Life can change by making one small switch.

you have you, and you alone.

I’ve been waiting for months, waiting for years, waiting for you to change

but there ain’t much that’s dumber, ain’t much that’s dumber

than pinning your hopes on the change of another.

So I’ve been sitting around, wasting my time, Wondering what you’ve been doing

and it ain’t real forgiving, ain’t real forgiving, sitting here picturing someone else living.

And, yeah I still need you,

but what good’s that gonna do

because needing is one thing, and getting is another.

No one is going to do it for you.

No one will pack your lunch, set your alarm, hold your hand.

Stop waiting for a saviour.

Your saviour is you.

my cave.

 

The gym was quiet. It was busy, a lot of bodies, but it was early. The hum that happens later in the afternoon when people are more alert wasn’t there. The early crowd is there for one reason, to get the job done. This crowd is dedicated. The same faces. The half smiles and nods as the first minuutes pass once the doors have let us in.

There are a lot of men that are part of this crowd. It’s hard to say what their profession is, gym attire covers any indication of personal lives. There are far fewer women who grace the facility with their presence at such an hour.

Earlier in my journey I was competitive. I’d look at the others working out and think I didn’t measure up. Growth has happened. The people who surround me during the early hours the day are on a level playing field as I. They are working towards their goals, and I towards mine.

I will never be as huge as Ms L, a gym goer who at one point had worked her body fat percentage down to a single digit. There will be no olympic lifting at this time for me, like the shaved head track star. My goals are my own. I train for function, for muscle definition, for symmetry, for strength.

More importantly I train for sanity. Leaving reality for 60 minutes and going into another world, a cave, where we all come together to sweat and build our bodies into something more than they currently are, is my escape. It’s my idea of down time. Down time will not be interrupted by me getting distracted by petty competition with others who are working for something completely different than what I want.

Goals are defined. Focus is maintained. Sanity is achieved.